Retreat Reflection by Ula Park

For those of you who don’t know, this was my first Living Hope retreat. It was also my first church retreat in quite some time – I think the last one I went to was in 2003/2004. My excuse? Work/time… I guess I just stopped doing retreats for various reasons. Although our time away was short, personally I am glad I went. If there’s one thing I took away from this retreat, I would have to say that it was Pastor JP’s question and challenge to us: "Have you ever been part of a true, genuine, biblical, spiritual community? And if so, what did that look like?" (I’m paraphrasing.) While we pondered this question within our small discussion groups, I heard things like "well, what does that mean exactly? It makes it sound like some sort of utopia." Although I do believe that this ideal community in its purest form can only exist in heaven, I also believe that it is quite possible to have this here on earth, whether it’s in our church, at home or in our own communities. After carefully considering the question, I shared with my group that I believe I had experienced such a community before. In my case, it was through my old home church. I also went on to further explain that that’s not to say that I had never been hurt by individuals in the church, or that I had never hurt someone, or that there weren’t many a times when I felt completely isolated, out-of-place, or withdrawn from people whether by choice or circumstance. (It goes back to the whole "there is no perfect church; in order to have a perfect church, you’d have to have perfect people." And we all know how far from perfect we as humans are.) Despite all of that, though, I still feel that my church community was there supporting me through the good and the bad, for better and for worse… which is probably why it was so difficult when it became time for me to leave. But I also know that I have that "resting place," so to speak, to go back to and visit whenever I need to. I think this exercise made me realize how lucky I am to have had that kind of community because I know not everyone can say the same thing. Some of us have been deeply hurt and burned by people in the church or by fellow Christians, to the point where we can’t get past those negative experiences and it becomes difficult for us to trust anyone anymore. And it’s just so sad because church is the one place you would expect where people can come freely to seek refuge and safety. But more often times than not, it’s the last place you’ll find grace.

Some of us shared during the open mic session that it was a personal struggle to come to retreat, that we really didn’t want to be there. I’ll admit that there were moments when I felt like "what the heck am I doing here?" and times when I felt more comfortable being in the cabin by myself. But, I also knew there was a reason why I was at that retreat. And who was I to doubt God’s plan?

So what am I trying to say in all this? I guess I just wanted to encourage all of us to seek more honest, genuine fellowship with one another, to be willing to be more vulnerable with each other, even at the risk of being hurt again. I’d love to see us all take ownership of our own community(ies) and be held accountable for our actions or inactions, as the case may be, with one another – to strive for that "true, genuine, biblical, spiritual community" within our church and with those around us.